I’m to scared to kill my self

My life is a joke.. all I can do is just sit there and let life do its stuff. There’s no one I have to live for. My lack of friends really fucking hurts.. seeing every one around succeed gives me a feeling of envy. And it’s not like I’ve tried I’m just to weird and sped for any one to like me. ……………………………………………………………………………. My extreme lust really fucking hurts my mental, all I can look forward to is fucking porn. I’m so pathetic. I’ve never dated any one never had any one like me romantically maybe it’s my fault. I just stoped caring after a while. ………………………………………:::::::::::……………………… I’m really shy. I don’t know what to do I wasn’t always this shy. I used to have an actual personality. But I forced my self to be quiet to keep negative people away from me. I didn’t have any friends any ways didn’t matter. Now I have no idea who the fuck I am. I’m just what ever the fuck the voice in my head is. No one liked me when I was slightly more vocal and I really fucking tried to be likable I just be came some what of a push over. And no one cares about me now. ………………………………………………………………………… Now looking at it I did do this to my self. (Edit I don’t know how to make paragraphs in Reddit so I just put a shit ton of periods to separate them.)