It’s my 19th birthday today and I’ve been awake the past 46 hours

My college has quarters instead of semesters and we just had our third term finals. I’ve been struggling a lot mentally with school, not because I can’t learn but because I can’t get myself to focus or stop procrastinating.

Thursday night I pulled an all nighter to cram for the finals and I still didn’t do well on either of them after studying for 14 hours straight. I’ve also got a ton of missing assignments to do and that’s why I’m still up.

I feel really shitty about my situation, especially since I might fail those classes, and I don’t really know what’s going on with me right now. My ADHD is really getting bad and I can’t sleep well either because of my RLS. I don’t have meds for either.

Later in the afternoon today a bunch of my relatives are coming to see me. It doesn’t even feel like my birthday. I feel like they’ll be disappointed to see the shape I’m in. I would if I was them.