Solo safe-space advice?

I'm trying to support my smol side without a CG and I have colouring books/bath toys/cartoons etc but when I engage with them as I naturally would if a CG was present which happens without me meaning to and easily and I don't think about any of it - but on my own my "big" self is lurking in the background not letting me fully be present in it and making me feel like, dumb or silly or like it's I'm having to fight against myself to accept that it's okay to be safe and enjoy it without someone there to approve of it and make me feel like it isn't silly or dumb? I don't know it's really POOOO I just seem to have this internalized issue with being able to engage in those things without feeling like an imposter when I'm alone even though I know it's a massively embedded part of me that comes out in so many ways in my daily life. But when I try to enter smol space to feel safe, I just have this barrier of judgement and I cant relax. It's really frustrating because I don't want to have to rely on a CG to feel like I can access that safety :(